Saturday, March 27, 2010

Rule #3 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering another mans birthday is optional.

As a man, I try to know as little as possible about my guy friends. I know where they work, if they are married or not, what tools they own, what kind of car they drive, and how they like their meat cooked(I don't have any vegetarian friends). On the flip side, I don't care what cologne they use, what kind of underwear they have, what kind of juice they like, what song they sing their little girl to sleep with, what sign they are, or when their birthday is.
If for some reason(like a BBQ or party) I become aware of a friend's birthday, I would never go out of my way to buy them a gift. As a matter of fact, if it is not the birthday party of your wife, child, mother, or girlfriend, it can probably be overlooked entirely. Not only does it show weakness to give a heartfelt gift to another man, but it is completely ridiculous to expect one.

I've also included some suggestions for you women who don't know what to get for your man.

#1 When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I own one for each hand and I would love to have a few more.

#2 If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Yet again, you can't have enough.

#3 If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

#4 Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. Never buy men bathrobes. Why would a man be interested in something that he doesn't want to wear in the first place?

#5 Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks.

#6 Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a chainsaw for a man you love. He will either hurt himself or destroy something that you value.

#7 It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a step ladder for a real man.

#8 Rope. Men love rope. Nothing says love like 100 feet of 1/2" manila rope.

#9 Weapons. Any item that could be used to kill an animal or defend a mans family will be well appreciated.

#10 Don't ever ask a man what he wants, unless you are 100 percent prepared to buy something that you don't want to have in your house.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Rule #1 If a man's fly is open, that is his problem. You didn't see anything.

This is a very important rule. There is not much need to expound on this. For some unexplainable reason the eye is naturally drawn to an open fly, but we are men and there is no acceptable reason for one man to ever look at another man's crotch.
It is ok to spot an open fly. They are as common as metrosexuals in the GAP. However, as a man, you would never let another man know that there are windows in his laptop.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Manhood 101

If you are reading this blog you are either in the need of manning up, a woman who loves great men, or are already a master of masculinity. Over the next several weeks we are going to discuss the importance of manhood and the rules that govern it. Recently I have been made aware of the decay of masculinity that could ultimately lead to the destruction of the very fiber that holds society together. Women are considered the fairer sex, but men are the simpler sex. When we embrace the basics of manhood and our roles as men we are more able to confidently perform our duties as great fathers, husbands, and boyfriends. My hope is that this blog will become a tool of success that will help to guide you in these tumultuous times. May your women be hot, your drinks be cold, and your beef grilled to your liking.